Oh dear. Walking into work this morning at my usual clip with a slight drizzle in the air, I got to a set of sliding doors with a shiny metal plate they run on. I stepped onto said plate, slipped and eighteen stone of British beef landed on my left (fortunately) elbow.

They think it's broke. They might try to fix it tomorrow when I go and see the ornithologist, orthodontist or whatever he or she calls herself. But for the moment I am in perpetual pain with every slight movement - I've never felt more in need of a spliff in my life! Does anyone know how to chop onions with one hand?

Amazing really - I do not touch type but I can go quite quickly with both hands together. With just one, it seems to take for ever. Home, however, is preferable to the office as my desk at home is at chest height nearly so my arm is better supported.

Lawyers form a queue please. I want one of those new Mac 24" iMacs out if it (only kidding!).

PS: That's the first time I've been into the "Emergency Department" at the John Radcliffe since they opened the new department about four years ago. It's quite nice. I'm sure it doesn't look quite so orderly on a Friday/Saturday night but it's a vast improvement on the previous A&E.

And at least I didn't have to go in for an injection for piles.